Wednesday, August 1, 2007

My hawaiian vacation

Ok, it's confession time. I'm going to preface my sum-up of my vacation week with this: I am not a big Hawaii fan. I never have been. It's alright, I suppose, but I dislike the fact that I'm on an island. There are more Japanese tourists that Disneyland. The food always disagrees with me. It is humid, warm, and there are all kinds of suspicious looking Cretaceous-era plants everywhere. The place is crawling with newlyweds. And don't get me started on the flight there. I can't sit still in my own bedroom for more than fifteen minutes, much less wedged into a tiny seat for 5 and a half hours. By the time that plane lands I'm ready to spontaneously combust. But it was a free trip away from my job. So I went. Now, on to the description of the week.~Monday: I am up at 4:00 AM loading suitcases into the back of my car getting ready to go to the airport. I am an extremely angry individual most mornings, and this morning was no exception. I actually screamed when I couldn't get my trunk to open. We get to the airport, we get on a plane to California. We get off the plane, get our bags, put the bags on another plane bound for Honolulu and so begins the BIG flight. And it sucks. We get to Hawaii and take off for the hotel to relax.~Tuesday: Hurricane Flossie is spinning on her heels like a lazy bitch. We have no rain, however we do have wind, which my 117 lb body is no match for. I am thrown across the decks of the USS Missouri in ballet flats and a skirt. However, I do get to climb all over the ship and see some pretty nifty things. By the time we get back to our rental car my hair looks like it's been through a blender. Head down to the beach at night, and walk into the shallows. Trip myself in a deep spot and do a header into the ocean. Decide to say forget it and take a late night swim in my clothes.~Wednesday: It rains, and rains, and rains. We drive up to a cultural center. There are so many hot Polynesian guys there I think I've died and gone to heaven. At one point I am grabbed by one tall, dark and shirtless guy and pressed up against his chest for a photo op for one of the many roaming photographers. I melt. Best. Birthday gift. Ever.~Thursday: I have conned my parents into going on a two-hour horseback ride with me. Yes, I do ride; something most people do not know about me. I also go fishing; something else I prefer to keep quiet-it ruins my high maintenance image, you see. The staff taking us all on the ride asks if any of us are experienced. I raise my hand, and they pull a horse for me and have me mount up. The girl walks beside me as I head out. "This is (insert unpronounceable Hawaiian name here). He's a biter and he's a little stubborn, so we don't give him to new riders." Excellent. I have the sociopath horse. About fifteen minutes in he reaches back to nip me. I grab his headstall and pull his head around to look at me. We have a brief discussion. He gives me no more trouble and we two antisocial mammals get along just fine.~Friday: We relax all day, it's a wonderful change of pace. ~Saturday: Long flight back to California.~Sunday: 3:23 AM I lose my shit completely because I have been awake for over 20 hours and can't sleep. I shove all the useless pillows and blankets off my bed, go into the bathroom and get a towel to wad up under my head. I finally sleep. Wake up four hours later to catch the flight to go home. Get home. Write blog. Upload pictures.